Slow and Steady Wins the Race?

Maybe so, but its not helping me feel any better.

In my head I know...if you make good choices and change your way of life by eating better and exercising and you lose slowly, you have a better chance at keeping the weight off.  I logically know this.  I've read it and heard it a million times.  But today its not making me feel any better.

Last week after my first week busting butt in the gym, I fully expected to see a good weight loss because of my body being all "WTF are you doing to me!?  Exercise!?" - but I didn't.  I "only" lost .8lbs.  Ok, whatever...I got over it.  I reminded myself that I had gone to the movies the weekend before, had popcorn with butter, missed two days at the gym because of family stuff.  So this week, I went into the gym, busted my bum, made sure I ate really well.  Kept my calories at about 1300 - 1500.  Ran, did weights, on my "off" days of running, I still made sure to get 30 minutes of cardio in.  I was feeling good.  I just knew that Friday morning would come and I'd get on that scale and I'd like what I saw.  I just knew it!  I had worked hard this week.  Harder than I have EVER.

I stepped on that scale...stood perfectly still...the butterflies in my tummy had butterflies in their tummies!  I paused, took a breath, looked down at the number and...................WTF!?!?!  .8lbs!?!?!  Again!  Are you kidding me!?

I know.  Its a loss.  That is a good thing.  I'm glad it was a loss.  I just expected more.  I was instantly sad.  Its not going to derail me.  I still am set to go to the gym this evening and run my week 2, run 2.  And I'll do my weights and eat the right foods.  I just see .8lbs...and I see the big number of (I can't believe I'm putting this out there) 257lbs and I think "OMG, its going to take me for-flipn-ever to lose my weight at this rate!"  The thought of only losing about 2.5lbs a month is depressing to me.

I'm doing it though...and I will continue to do so.  I want to.  I want to challenge that scale!  I want to work my tail off week after week and try to get that number to budge.  That scale is taunting me!  Its like that girl yesterday, calling me fat...well, I'll show you!  You stupid scale!  I'm going to make that number move down.  Maybe it's only .8lbs at a time...but its moving...and I will continue to make it move!  So here's a big middle finger to you!  Take that and shove it!  I'll show you!

Breaking news - I'm fat!

So, I got called fat today.  I guess the circumstances aren't really important but a lady backed into my car and when I got out, she was difficult, and I was upset and because she was upset with my reaction to her hitting my car, she called me a ugly fat bitch.  My response: "Really?  That's all you can come up with?"  I don't think she quite knew what to say when I responded with that.  Ha!

I have been thinking about it all day.  It would never cross my mind to yell at someone who is skinny and say "You're an ugly skinny bitch."  Or someone short and say "You're an ugly short bitch."  Why is "fat" automatically something that is thrown in your face if you are indeed fat?

I mean, its obvious I'm fat.  It wasn't like you were helping me out by informing me that I was.  LOL  I own a mirror.  I've been fat most of my life.

A kinda cool thing happened though.  I tend to think a month ago, this would have really gotten me down.  Being called fat...its not something I'd hope for.  I'd probably be depressed and feel down on myself...but I didn't.  Why?  Because I know I'm taking this "fat" into my own hands.  I'm doing something about it.  Little did she know I was feeling good this morning when I put on a shirt I normally wear Spanx with to smooth my stomach out, and I didn't need the Spanx!  It fit nicely without it!!

So ya know what?  I might be fat...but I'm LESS fat than I was a month ago!  So your comment to me, is only making me feel better about myself.  So take that!!!  You're evil plan didn't work.  Neener neener neeeeeeener!

I'm fat...and I'm proud...and someday, I won't be fat.  Thank you to the lady who backed into my car!

And with that...I'm off to the gym to work my fat ass off! 

Week 2, Run 1 - COMPLETE!

See that sweat?  THAT is hard work and determination!  I did it!

I literally chanted "I can do it, I can do it" over and over in my head as I did this.  90 seconds of running - for someone who a week and a half ago, never ran - is so hard.  I'd get to 45 seconds left and I was dying.  My nose and lungs were burning.  I felt like I was going to trip over my own feet.  Then 25 seconds...and I just focused, thought of my daughter and kept going.

I can do it, I can do it... 

By the last 15 seconds, when my iPhone app prompts me and says "You have 15 seconds remaining" I was counting down until I could walk again.  15, 14, 13, 12..........3, 2, 1!!

I remember at the half way mark of my 29 minute session the app voice came on and said, in its silly British accent "You are now half way done.  You may want to stop and go home." and I thought to myself "Screw you!!  I'm doing this!" 

A few times I think I actually said "I can do it" out loud.  The gym at work was pretty empty though.  And even if it wasn't, oh well.  It worked. 

I almost cried a few times while running.  I could feel the sting in the back of my throat.  And I shed a few tears on my drive home.  I did it.  I'm doing it.  It wasn't because of pain or being tired...it was because I was doing it.  And I want to do it so bad.  I want to be a great role model for my little girl.

I did it!!  I'm so proud of myself. 

Next run, Friday!

I can do it, I can do it!

That's what I keep telling myself at least.  LOL  Today starts Week 2, Run 1 of the C25K.  Today I start the following:

Brisk five-minute warm up walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

 I'm nervous.  For the past week its been run for 60 seconds and walk for 90.  That was tough.  By my last run, I made it through better than my first.  Or course, that is how its supposed to work...so I shouldn't be surprised.  But I was just making it through.  It was easier...but not easy.  If that makes any sense.

I keep thinking "How am I going to run 90 seconds when 60 was killing me by the last 10 seconds."  Honestly I don't know how I'm going to do it - but I'm going to try.  I'm hoping its going to be like my first day running...that I felt like I was going to die, but I pushed through and somehow did it.  I'm hoping I'll complete it and each day it'll get easier.  Again...that's how its supposed to work, so we'll see.  I keep reminding myself that even though the run time is longer, so isn't the walk time.  So I have longer to catch my breath.

I'm nervous and anxious and excited all at the same time.  I just keep repeating to myself "I can do it, I can do it!"

If I don't check in again by this evening, I've died.  I've fallen off the treadmill, gotten skid marks on my face and am dead on the floor next to the treadmill.  Send help!  LOL

Couch to 5K Program

In case anyone wants to see what the program I'm following is:

Couch to 5K Program 

Week	Workout 1	Workout 2	Workout 3
1	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.
2	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.	Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.
3	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following: Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes) Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following: Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes) Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following: Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds) Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes) Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)
4	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes) Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes) Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes) Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)
5	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes) Walk 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog two miles (or 20 minutes) with no walking.
6	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then: Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes) Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes) Jog 1 mile (or 10 minutes)	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2-1/4 miles (or 25 minutes) with no walking.
7	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes).	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes).	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes).
8	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes).	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes).	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes).
9	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes).	Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes).	The final workout! Congratulations! Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes).

I think its gone to my head...

But maybe that is a good thing.

As I mentioned...or I think I mentioned...I'm doing a Couch to 5k program.  I'm only going to be starting week 2, of a 9 week program, tomorrow.  Its kicking my butt, but I am determined to do this.

So, today - actually just a short time ago - I decided that I want to run a 5k!  Not now...not in a month...not even in three months.  I'm shooting for October.  That way I have about 6 months to get really comfortable running.  Plus, it won't be in the middle of the summer.  I hate summer...I have no desire to run during it.  LOL!  Maybe one day I will love running so much, and be in such great shape, that I will like running in the summer.  But right now...no thanks!

So, I texted one of my best friends, Erin.  I know she has started at the gym recently because she's just got a job as an EMT.  She wants to get in shape.  I asked if she was running or if she wanted to.  I told her that I had started and that I wanted to run a 5k in October and wanted to know if she wanted to do it with me.  She said she would!

I'm so happy!  If there is anyone that I'd like to run with, its her!  And she'll be moving to my town soon so once we get running on the treadmill down pat, we can maybe run outside a couple times a week.  I've heard running outdoors is way different and more difficult that running on a treadmill.

I'm so excited.  As I said in my last post...I don't know where or how it hit me, but I am in the zone.  I am enjoying WANTING to get healthy.  I want to do a 5k so badly that it brings tears to my eyes.

I imagine running.  I imagine the tiredness...the pain...the air burning my lungs.........but then I imagine finishing that race and just feeling a huge sense of accomplishment.  I want that feeling to be real!  I want to do it.  And I WILL do it!

In the zone...

I'm in the zone. Finally. I want this so badly. Back in 2003 I did Atkins, and while it worked great for a while - I lost 50lbs - at a certain point, I hit a wall. I had a child. I got divorced. I tried to start again...it just didn't fit my lifestyle anymore.

Many times I've tried eating better...only to have a week or two pass and I slowly gave up. I never seemed to stick to it. I tried fooling myself by not calling it a diet. Didn't work. I'd have a "treat" and then that would turn into a "treat day" and then a "treat weekend" - until a week had passed and I decided that I didn't care and I'd go back to eating crap.

I'm embarrassed to say, my daily food consumption usually was a large iced coffee, a couple of donuts or a coffee roll. Then I'd get to work and have some sort of breakfast sandwich...cheese, sausage, eggs on a croissant or a bagel. Then I'd have a snack...and lunch...with a snack. Then another snack. Then a huge dinner - with a few snacks in between. I can't even guess as to what my caloric intake was. I'd be afraid to even look.

Back in October I had my cholesterol checked. 251. But even that didn't scare me enough. I tried to be scared, but it didn't work.

Well, right after my birthday this year, something hit me. I knew summer was coming. Not that I love summer...but I love my cloths...and I remember how last year they didn't fit right. They fit...but not properly. Try walking around in 90* weather with a spanx on. NOT fun. So I decided that I had a mini goal. I wanted my summer cloths to fit this year. I started eating better. Making choices that I thought were good. Then I started using FitDay. And guess what...my food choices still weren't great. It was crazy to see that I still had NO idea what good food was. I had no idea what kind of calories were in things. So I fiddled around. Talked to friends about food options and managed to dwindle my caloric intake down from about 2500 cal a day to about 1500 cal a day. I actually find it a challenge. A fun challenge. To see how much food I can eat, but still stay within 1500 - 1700 a day. I preferably like to keep about 1500. I don't like seeing that number creep up.

Well, I then decided that although the weight was coming off...slowly. A pound or two here and there...that moving my body would probably help more.

There is a gym at work. A free one. I've never taken advantage of it. Ever. I walk by it often. I used to go to the gym. Back in 2003. I loved it. I loved that soreness I'd feel the next day. It meant I was doing something. But then I had a child...divorce, etc...and I had no way to get back. I thought about walking, but I know myself...and I know as soon as the weather starts to get warm, I won't walk. So I talked to my boss...changed my hours at work from 8-4 with no lunch and I decided I would go to the gym from 4-5.

First it was just going to be some treadmill walking. Then I decided that maybe I'd like to do weights again. Now I've decided that I want to Couch to 5K. I'm only a week in. But I'm doing it! I'm doing weights and cardio and C25K! I'm eating better. I'm eating well.

Don't get me wrong...if I want to go to the movies and have some popcorn, I do. But I do not...and will not...allow that to snowball. It won't turn into an all day thing.

While I wish the weight would come off faster...I know in the long run, slow and steady wins the race.

I've decided that my daughter is my life...and I want to live for her. I need to do this...and I am. I am IN the zone!