Grrrrr...

So, Wednesday I went to do my Week 4, Run 2.  I was looking forward to doing it again.  I walk into the gym at work and all the treadmills were full.  So I figured I'd just do my weights and stuff first (which I usually do) and maybe by then someone will be off. 

I finish my weights.  Still no empty one.  Figured I go do my crunches and hand weights.  I usually do that after my run.  I finish.  Still no empty one.

So now I'm getting annoyed.  There is a time limit when the gym is full.  20 minutes.  If there are other empty treadmills...run for an hour if you want.  If they are all being used, you are to limit your time.  No one was following this rule.  Two had been on them almost 40 minutes.  Ugh.  So I knew I wasn't going to get a full run in.  I decided to go on one of the stationary bikes while I waited, but I was going to go slow in case I got the chance to run.  I didn't want to tire out my legs. 

5 minutes in...a treadmill opened up.  I still knew I wasn't going to get a full run it, but decided to do what I could.

Ran my first 3 minutes.  It was hard.  Harder than usual.  Then I got to my second run.  5 minutes.  I couldn't do it.  I literally could not move my legs.  I felt like I was going to fall over.  My chest hurt.  I had to stop.

I was SO mad at myself.  So mad.  Why was I able to do it Monday, but not Wednesday?

I thought maybe the bike had tired my legs out.  I also usually go on the end treadmill, next to where the fan is so I can have it blowing on me.  I couldn't do that, that day.  I was roasting and sweat was pouring off me.  I also could see myself in the mirror.  I did NOT like what I saw.

Those big thighs jiggling as I "ran".  How big I looked.  How pathetic I felt like I looked.  To me, I felt like I was running/jogging...but when I looked in the mirror, I felt like it looked pathetic.  Like I was barely moving my legs.

So maybe it was a combo of all of that.  I don't know.  I was...and still am...a little upset.  I know people say you'll have days like that.  I had planned to try again Thursday - even though that isn't my normal running day - but last minute I had to bring my daughter to the doctors.  And today I am not at work - so no gym.

I'm going to try again Monday.  I just hope I can find that strength in me again.  I hope it was just the circumstances from Wednesday that didn't allow me to finish.  I don't want to feel like that again.

In better news...I lost 4lbs this past week.  Very happy about that.  I've met my mini goal of 250lbs by the end of May.  So yay me!