Not ready...

Well, it was a hard decision for me to make, but I decided to rerun Week 3 for a little longer.

Normally I go into a new week with a little nervousness and a feeling of "I'm not sure I can do it".  And I think that is probably normal.  But this week, I really felt sheer terror when I thought about doing Week 4.  I was barely making it through Week 3.  Even on the first of two, 3 minute runs, I was almost tripping over my feet and I was feeling like I was not going to make it.  I feel like it didn't get much easier as the week went on, when on other weeks, by the end of Run 3, I was feeling "ok" with it.  Not the case this time.

I struggled with feeling like I was letting myself down.  Feeling like "what is wrong with me".  Feeling like I should have been able to move on.  Anger that I couldn't do it.  I just knew my body was not ready for it.  It wasn't just "I'm not sure" it was a feeling of just knowing that this week is different...and that my fear, rather than just nervousness, was my bodies way of telling me to listen to it.

Someone told me that becoming a runner means that you begin to listen to your body.  And you treat it well.  And I feel like if I had tried Week 4, I would not be doing that.  I may injure myself, it could leave me feeling defeated and upset...it could knock me off the high that I've been feeling.  The pride that I've been feeling.  And while I am slightly upset that I could not move on, I know that repeating a week means that I'm not giving up.  I'm listening to my body.  I'm taking the time it needs to be ready for Week 4.

I plan on doing Week 3 a few more times at least.  I'm just going to take it a run at a time and listen to what my body is telling me.

So what if this 9 week program takes me 10, 11, or 20 weeks.  I'm doing it.

Two friends shared the two quotes below, with me.  I feel like I they are spot on.  Its making me realize that I still am, regardless of repeating a week, doing awesome!  My goal has not changed.  If anything, my goal and the desire to get there has grown from this.

REMEMBER: No matter how slow you run, you are still going faster than someone sitting on the couch!!

The miracle isn't that I finished.  The miracle is that I had the courage to start. ~ John Bingham