Ugh...I looked.

Remember last week I had said that I was glad I didn't look at the upcoming week?  And remember I said that was probably good because otherwise I may not try it?

Yeah...I looked at the upcoming week.  I'm terrified.

I'm not sure what I thought it was going to be...but this week I'm doing 90 seconds of running, 90 seconds of walking, 3 minutes of running, 3 minutes of walking...and repeat.  On those 3 minute runs, I'm dying.  Like I feel like I'm going to fall off the treadmill.  The second 3 minute run is torture.  I really push to make it.  I make it...but barely.

Well, next week is 3 minutes of running, 3 minutes of walking, FIVE minutes of running, five minutes of walking...and repeat.

I never should have looked.  I'm terrified.  And this isn't me just unsure about whether or not I can make it...I really do NOT think I'm ready for it.

When I do the three minute runs now...even the first one...my lungs are burning, my legs feel weak and I feel like I may fall.  I can NOT imagine running 5 minutes at this point. 

I'm debating on whether to even try.  I'm wondering if maybe I'll finish off the week and stay on Week 3 and maybe a couple more days of it will get me in a better place.

I think about the future and I can't even imagine being able to run for more than a couple minutes without stopping to walk and catch my breath.  I want to.  I believe I will...but right now the future is still a little foggy.  Its not so clear.  There is still that doubt and fear and "not me, I can't do that" in my mind. 

I HATE that I don't feel ready.  I feel like I'm letting myself down.  I'm letting my goal slip away just a little.

Next run is Wednesday.  So, now I need to decide what to do.  Do I at least try?  Part of me feels like I should.  No harm in trying.  But part of me really really feels like I won't be able to do it.  So, do I just do another two runs on Week 3? 

Unsure right now.

I should have just taken my own advice last week and not looked.  Someone smack me, please!